You can’t expect to know every single thing that happens at work, including when someone talks behind your back. So when you find yourself in that situation, you might retort in various ways without much contemplation.
When you discover that your coworkers have been gossiping about you (talking about you behind your back), your first reaction might be hurt and then anger.
That is normal, as no one wants to be gossiped about. However, reacting and acting from that reaction may not have a good outcome.
What to do instead?
Get curious
What happened or did they perceive happen that had them upset with you in the first place. People don’t generally talk negatively unless something happened, so discovering what they are upset about is needed for you to resolve it.
Discover why
Secondly, discover why they did not come to you in the first place. Did they think you would not be receptive to criticism or any sort of discussion?
Have you not been receptive in the past? Examine your own behavior. Are you defensive, not taking responsibility for your own shortcomings or mistakes? Or do you gossip about others, which would give them the idea that you are not to be trusted?
Trust is the foundation for all relationships.
When trust is broken, the relationship will erode unless action is taken to re-establish trust. When someone is talking about you, trust is broken. You can blame and shame, but that won’t repair the relationship.
The best course of action is to look to yourself first and see why they did not feel comfortable coming to you.
Then you can own up to however you were acting that had them feel that way. Then you can request that they come to you in the future.
The key to this is dignity
Petty people negatively talk about others. Don’t be petty. Be dignified. If they want to demean themselves by talking about others, that is their business, not yours. If you play their game and talk about them, you will demean yourself and justify their animosity towards you.
If you conduct yourself with dignity and grace in the workplace, then when those petty people try to bad mouth you, others will respond by defending you as a person of dignity and grace.
You don’t actually have to defend yourself from petty gossip. You just have to behave with dignity and professionalism. Be above reproach. You never have to defend yourself, and if you do try to defend yourself, you turn what was petty gossip into a conflict.
Don’t take the bait and don’t feed the trolls
If you are asked about something, demure, and say – well – you aren’t interested in gossip, and you are focused on getting the work done well. Do not isolate yourself or allow the gossip to cause you to isolate yourself. Be out there. Be friendly.
Most people respond to friendliness with friendliness. Win people over by being nice, dignified, and professional in your work. That’s all you have to do.
Discuss it with your manager
If the gossip and bad-mouthing are bordering is becoming unbearable, then one option is to discuss the situation with your manager. A great manager will always seek to actively stop the type of political backstabbing that can occur in work environments.
If you work in a professional office environment, this type of behavior is always unacceptable. Suggest to your manager that they discuss the general topic of gossip and rumor in the team meeting and that they should be clear it is not acceptable.
Confront it head-on
If you are feeling brave, then you could try tackling the issue head-on by having a discussion with those involved.
This is a higher risk solution as fundamentally people do not like to admit they have done anything wrong, and generally, we accept no blame for anything.
Kill them with kindness
If you know that one or two coworkers are having small talk about you behind your back, the best advice is to kill them with kindness.
Keep a smile on your face and continue to crush your work goals. Others will take their gossip with a grain of salt as they know you are a great employee.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can you build a positive workplace culture that discourages negative behavior?
Building a positive workplace culture that discourages negative behavior requires a long-term approach and the involvement of everyone in the organization. Here are some strategies that can help:
Lead by example: Managers and supervisors should lead by example by modeling positive behavior and addressing negative behavior when they see it. This can help create a culture of respect and professionalism in the workplace.
Communicate clearly and openly: Clear communication is key to avoiding misunderstandings and conflict. Be sure you openly and honestly communicate your thoughts and feelings with your coworkers and actively listen to their concerns.
Provide feedback: Provide feedback to your coworkers on their positive and negative behavior. This can help reinforce positive behavior and address negative behavior.
Celebrate success: Celebrate your coworkers’ successes and achievements. This can help build a positive atmosphere and create a sense of camaraderie and teamwork.
Encourage collaboration: Encourage collaboration and teamwork between coworkers. This can help build positive relationships and avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
What if you’re the one who’s been talking about coworkers behind their backs?
If you have been talking about coworkers behind their backs, you must take responsibility for your actions and apologize. Here are some steps you can take to make things right:
Admit your mistake: Take responsibility for your actions and acknowledge that what you did was wrong. Apologize to the coworker (s) involved.
Make amends: Make it clear that you want to make things right and ask what you can do to make amends. This may mean changing your behavior or taking other steps to make up for the harm.
Avoid gossip in the future: Commit to not gossiping or talking about coworkers behind their backs in the future. Focus on building positive relationships and communicating openly and honestly with your coworkers.
Remember that talking about colleagues behind their backs can be hurtful and harmful. Taking responsibility for your actions and making amends is important in building trust and repairing relationships.